(၁)
(က)
အိမ္ေထာင္က်စ
မ။......... ။ တင္းေနေအာင္ ဖက္မထားနဲ႔ေလေမာင္.. မ အသက္႐ႈလို႔ မဝေတာ့ဘူး။
ေမာင္။... ။ ဖက္မထားရင္ ေမာင္အိပ္မေပ်ာ္လို႔ပါ မရယ္။
ႏွစ္အတန္ၾကာေသာ္
မ။......... ။ ေမာင္အိပ္ရင္ မကို ဖက္မအိပ္တာၾကာျပီေနာ္။
ေမာင္။...။။ ဖက္ျပီးအိပ္ရင္ အသက္႐ႈလို႔ မဝဘူးဆိုတာ မသိဘူးလား။
(ခ)
ခ်စ္သူဘဝ
လူစည္ကားရာ ေနရာတစ္ခုတြင္ ေမာင္က မကို ေပြ႔ဖက္လိုက္သည္။
မ။....... ။ ေမာင္ ႐ူးေနလား? လူေတြၾကည့္ေနတယ္ေလ.. ႐ွက္စရာၾကီး
ေမာင္။..။ ၾကည့္ၾကည့္ေပါ့ မရယ္။ ေမာင္က ခ်စ္တာကို
အိမ္ေထာင္က်ျပီးေနာက္
မ။.....။ အရင္က ဒီေနရာမွာ မ့ကို ေမာင္ ေပြ႔ဖက္ဖူးတယ္ေနာ္။ ခုဖက္ပါအုန္းလား ေမာင္
ေမာင္။.... ။ လူေတြေရွ႕မွာ ဖက္ရေအာင္ ရူးေနလား?
(ဂ)
အိမ္ေထာင္က်စ
မ။..... ။ ေမာင္ေရ မကို ေပြ႔ပါအုန္း
ေမာင္က မကို ေပြ႔ျပီး ကုတင္ေပၚ တင္ေပးလိုက္တယ္။
ႏွစ္အနည္းငယ္ၾကာေသာ္
မ။........... ။ ေမာင္ေရ မကို ေပြ႔ပါအုန္း
ေမာင္။..... ။ ေျခေထာက္က်ဳိးေနျပီလား?
(ဃ)
တစ္ေန႔မွာ ေမာင္က
"မ ဝလာလည္း ခ်စ္မွာပဲ။ ဝဝကစ္ကစ္ မ ခႏၶာကို ေပြ႔ေခၚမယ္။ အသက္အရြယ္ၾကီး အိုမင္းသြားတဲ့အထိ မကုိ အျမဲခ်စ္မယ္။ မကို အျမဲဖက္မယ္" ဟု သစၥာဆိုသည္။
ႏွစ္အနည္းငယ္ ၾကာေသာ္
မ။.......... ။ ေမာင္ မကိုေပြ႔ပါအုန္း
ေမာင္။.....။ ဒီခႏၶာကိုယ္နဲ႔ ငါ့ ခါးက်ဳိးေအာင္ လုပ္ေနတာလား?
(၂)
မ။............ ။ ေမာင္ေရ.. မ အလွျပင္ျပီးျပီ၊ သြားရေအာင္
ေမာင္။......။။ ေနပါအုန္း.. ငါ မုတ္ဆိတ္ရိတ္ေနေသးတယ္။
မ။............။ မုတ္ဆိတ္ရိတ္တာ ဒီေလာက္ၾကာသလား? မ ေတာင္ ျပင္ျပီးေနျပီ..
ေမာင္။......။ နင္အလွျပင္တာကို ေစာင့္ရင္း ရိတ္ျပီးသား ငါ့မုတ္ဆိတ္ေတြ ထပ္ရွည္လာလို႔ ေနာက္တစ္ေခါက္ ထပ္ရိတ္ေနတာ။
1) BRAIN TUMOR:
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!
2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL: 
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!
3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE: 
Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!
4) AT ATM MACHINE: 
Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr.. Bean: four asterisks (****)!
5) Marriage: 
Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.
6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND: 
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you took anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.
7)DEATH OF HIS MOTHER: 
Mr. Bean:(crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!
8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:
Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: That's alright, me too....I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.
9) Spelling lesson: 
Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!
A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six-pack of Root Beer and he started his journey.
When he had gone about three blocks, he met an elderly man. The man was sitting in the park just feeding some pigeons.
The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the man looked hungry, so he offered him a Twinkie.
The man gratefully accepted it and smiled at boy. His smile was so pleasant that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer.
Again, the man smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.
As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the man, and gave him a hug. The man gave him his biggest smile ever.
When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?
"He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? God's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"
Meanwhile, the elderly man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked," Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?"
He replied, "I ate Twinkies in the park with God." However, before his son responded, he added," You know, he's much younger than I expected."
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Embrace all equally!
-author unknown
It was Friday morning, and that meant it was time for an activity that the teacher called 'add to the picture'. The teacher would call students to the chalkboard one at a time. The first student would draw an object on the chalkboard, and each following student would add something to the picture to make it a new picture.
The teacher called on James to start things off.
James returned to his seat.
The teacher called on Ernie next.
Ernie returned to his seat.
Now it was Suzy's turn.
Suzy returned to her seat.
Next, the teacher called Jerry to the board.
Jerry returned to his seat.
Kim was called to the board.
Kim returned to her seat.
About this time, little Johnny began waving his arm hysterically. Little Johnny was well known for being off center, so the teacher was reluctant to call on him for anything. But as the teacher looked at the picture on the chalkboard, she thought that there was no way that little Johnny could possibly do anything to make this picture dirty. So she cal led on little Johnny, and he ran to the chalkboard.
The entire class erupted with laughter.... the Teacher fainted.
Little Johnny had done it again.
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
ပါးနပ္တဲ့ေယာက်္ားနဲ႔ ဥာဏ္ရွိတဲ့မိန္းမေတြ႔ရင္ ႐ုိမက္တစ္ဆန္တဲ့ အခ်စ္မ်ဳိး ျဖစ္လာႏိုင္တယ္။
ပါးနပ္တဲ့ေယာက္်ားနဲ႔ အူတူတူမိန္းမနဲ႔ဆိုရင္ တိတ္တိတ္ပုန္းအခ်စ္ေတြ ျဖစ္လာႏိုင္တယ္။
ဥာဏ္ရွိတဲ့မိန္းမနဲ႔ တံုးအတဲ့ေယာက္်ားေတြ႔ရင္ေတာ့ အိမ္ေထာင္ျပဳသြားႏိုင္မယ္။
ေယာက်္ားေရာ မိန္းမပါ ငထံုငအေတြ ဆိုရင္ေတာ့ ကိုယ္ဝန္ရသာြ းႏုိင္ပါတယ္ တ့ဲ၊
ဘာေျပာရမလဲ မသိေတာ့ဘူးရယ္။
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
မိန္းမေတြဟာ အနာဂတ္အတြက္စိတ္ပူၾကတာ ေယာက်္ားရသြားတဲ့အထိပဲ။
ေယာက်္ားေတြက်ေတာ့ မိန္းမ မရမခ်င္း အနာဂတ္ဆိုတာကို ေခါင္းထဲမထည့္ၾကဘူး။
ေအာင္ျမင္တဲ့ေယာက္်ားဆိုတာ သူ႔မိန္းမသံုးျဖဳန္းတာထက္ ပိုရွာႏုငိ ္တဲ့လူကိုေခၚတာ။
ေအာင္ျမင္တဲ့မိန္းမက်ေတာ့ အဲသလိုေယာက္်ားမ်ဳိးရွာႏိုင္သူကို ေခၚတာတဲ့။
အိုဘယ့္ မိန္းမ
႐ုပ္အဆင္းလွရင္ အခ်က္အျပဳတ္မကြ်မ္း၊ ခ်က္တာျပဳတ္တာ ကြ်မ္းက်င္ေတာ့ မႏူးညံ့ျပန္၊ ႏူးညံ့ႏြဲ႔ေႏွာင္းေတာ့ ကိုယ္ပိုင္အေတြးအေခၚကမရွိ၊ ကိုယ္ပိုင္အေတြးရွိတာက်ေတာ့ ေယာက္်ားဆန္၊ မိန္းမပီပီေနေတာ့ အသံုးအျဖဳန္းကႀကီး၊ ေခြ်တာစုေဆာင္း တတ္တာက်ေတာ့ ေခတ္ေရစီးကို လိုက္မမွီ၊ ေခတ္မွီတာက်ေတာ့ စိတ္မခ်ရ၊ စိတ္ခ်ရတာက်ေတာ့ ဘယ္လိုမွ ၾကည့္လို႔မလွျပန္။
အိုဘယ့္ ေယာက္်ား
အရည္အခ်င္းရွိရင္ ႐ုပ္ဆိုးမယ္၊ ႐ုပ္ေခ်ာရင္ ေငြမရွာတတ္ဘူး၊ ပိုက္ဆံရွာတတ္ရင္ အိမ္ေထာင္ေရးကို အေလးမထားျပန္ဘူး၊ အိမ္ေထာင္ေရးပိုင္းမွာ ဖိစီးျပန္ရင္ တျခားကိစၥမွာ မျဖစ္ထြန္းဘူး၊ အရာရာ ျဖစ္ထြန္းေအာင္ျမင္တယ္ ဆိုတဲ့လူမ်ဳိးက်ေတာ့ အႏုအရြေလးေတြနဲ႔ ႐ုိမက္တစ္မဆန္တတ္ျပန္ဘူး၊ အီစီကလီကြ်မ္းက်င္ၿပီး ႐ုိမက္တစ္ဆန္တတ္ျပန္ေတာ့ စိတ္ခ်အားကိုးလို႔ရဘူး၊ အားကိုးရတဲ့ လူမ်ဴိးက်ေတာ့ ခိုင္းစားလို႔ရ႐ုံကလြဲၿပီး ဘိုသီပတ္သီနဲ႔ အေပအေတတစ္ေယာက္လိုေနမယ္။
ကြာျခားခ်က္...
ဆင္းရဲသားေတြ ဝက္ေမြးတယ္၊ လူကံုထံေတြက်ေတာ့ ေခြးေမြးတယ္။ ဆင္းရဲသားေတြ အိမ္မွာဟင္းသီးဟင္းရြက္စားတယ္၊ လူကံုထံေတြ ဟိုတယ္တက္ၿပီး ဟင္းသီးဟင္းရြက္စားတယ္။ ဆင္းရဲသားေတြ လမ္းေပၚမွာစက္ဘီးစီးတယ္၊ လူကုထံ ံေတြ ဧည့္ခန္းထဲမွာစက္ဘီးစီးတယ္။ ဆင္းရဲတုန္း မဂၤလာေဆာင္ခ်င္တယ္၊ ခ်မ္းသာေတာ့ လင္မယားေတြ ကြဲခ်င္တယ္။ ဆင္းရဲတုန္း မယားက secretaryတာဝန္တြဲယူရတယ္၊ ခ်မ္းသာေတာ့ secretary က မယားတာဝန္ တြဲယူရတယ္။ ဆင္းရဲတုန္း ခ်မ္းသာခ်င္ေယာင္ေဆာင္တယ္၊ ခ်မ္းသာေတာ့ ဆင္းရဲခ်င္ေယာင္ေဆာင္တယ္။
ဒီေခတ္ႀကီးမွာ...ဆင္းရဲသားေတြ အသားစားတယ္၊ လူကံုထံေတြပုစြန္စားတယ္၊ ပါတီေခါင္းေဆာင္ေတြက်ေတာ့ အလကားရတာမွန္သမွ်စားတယ္။ ေယာက်္ားေတြျမင့္ခ်င္တယ္၊ မိန္းမေတြပိန္ခ်င္တယ္။ ေခြးေတြ အကၤ်ီဝတ္ကုန္ၿပီး လူေတြက်ေတာ့ ကိုယ္ေပၚကအသားေတြ ေပၚႏိုင္သေလာက္ ေဖာ္ၾကခြ်တ္ၾကတယ္။
A little boy stops in front of a church with his bike and he sees the priest come out. The priest says "Come inside, I want to show you something". The little boy says to the priest, "But somebody will steal my bike". The priest says to him "Don't worry, the Holy Spirit will watch it".
So the little boy goes inside and the priest says, "Let me show you how to do the sign of the cross. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen. Now you try it". So the boy says, "In the name of the Father and the Son, Amen". The priest says, "What happened to the Holy Spirit?" The boy replied "He's outside,
watching my bike".
+ + +
Once upon a time there was a pastor. He was driving down the road and his car broke down. He got out and started walking. Soon, he came to a farm. He asked the farmer if he could borrow a horse. The farmer agreed, but warned: "Sir, this is no ordinary horse. You have to say "praise the Lord" to make it go, and "Amen" to make it stop". The pastor said "Oh, that's easy, I'm a pastor. So he jumped on the horse and said "Praise the Lord!" and the horse took off down the road. About an hour down the road (close to his destination), a rattlesnake came out in front of the horse, and the horse, rather startled turned and ran off the road, through the woods, straight for a cliff. The pastor forgot what to say, so he said a prayer, and at the end of the prayer, of course, he said "Amen". Screech!! The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff! The pastor looked down and sees all of the thousands of feet down that he had
almost plundered... and to give thanks to God, he yelled out "Praise the Lord!!!!"
+ + +
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."
The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."
The third one responded, " Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them "That must be the door, I'll get it!"
+ + +
Once upon a time, there was a policeman that saw a man sitting in a car with a tiger sitting next to him. The police officer said, "It's against the law to have a tiger in your car. Take him to the zoo."
The next day the police officer saw the same man in the same car with the same tiger. The police officer said, "I thought I told you to take that tiger to the zoo."
The man replied, "I did. He liked it. Now we're going to the beach."
+ + +
There were 3 tomatoes, a mom, a dad and a son. The son lagged behind and fell splat on the floor. His dad yelled to him, "Ketchup, son".
To Value A Job Well Done
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
Time Travel
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
Logic
"Because I said so, that's why."
Foresight
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
Irony
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
Osmosis
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
Stamina
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
Weather
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
Hypocrisy
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
Circle Of Life
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
Behavior Modification
"Stop acting like your father!"
Envy
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
Anticipation
"Just wait until we get home."
Receiving
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
Medical Science
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
How To Become An Adult
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
Genetics
"You're just like your father."
Wisdom
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
Justice
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"
Funny Quotes About Women
* "As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied." -Oscar Wilde.
* "One of the reasons I don't see eye to eye with Women's Lib is that women have it all on a plate if only they knew it. They don't have to be pretty either."-Charlotte Rampling.
* "When women kiss it always reminds me of prize fighters shaking hands." -HL Mencken.
* "When a woman becomes a scholar there is usually something wrong with her sexual organs." -Friedrich Nietzsche
* "Nature intended women to be our slaves. They are our property." -Napolean Bonaparte
* "If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."-Aristotle Onassis
* "Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?" -Rita Rudner
* "Most women are not as young as they are painted." -Max Beerbohm
* "When women go wrong, men go right after them." -Mae West.
* "Women are nothing but machines for producing children." -Napolean Bonaparte.
* "An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." -Agatha Christie
* "Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no-one likes to have to keep one." -WC Fields
* "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good? Luckily, this is not difficult." -Charlotte Whitton.
* "Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself." -Roseanne Barr.
* "A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's - That's because she changes it more often." -Oliver Hereford
* "My wife is the sort of woman who gives necrophillia a bad name."-Patrick Murray
* "What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce."-Mark Twain.
* "As Miss America, my goal is to bring peace to the entire world and then get my own apartment." -Jay Leno
* "Men are superior to women. For one thing, men can urinate from a speeding car." -Will Durst
* Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement." -Mark Twain.
* "Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want?" -Sigmund Freud
* "When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn't she behave like a nice man?" -Edith Evans
* "Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, 'Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, genitals, current account, confidence, razor blades, and good standing among your friends'." -Jeffrey Bernard
* "No man knows more about women than I do, and I know nothing." -Seymour Hicks
* "When I have one foot in the grave, I will tell the whole truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me and say, 'Do what you like now'." -Leo Tolstoy
* "Women are an alien race set down among us." -John Updike
We celebrate the Mother's Day to show honor and respect to one of the most influential persons in our lives. We all have spent most formative years of our lives with our mothers and shared all joy and sorrows. Such is the greatness of our mom that she always tries to make us feel happy even in times of distress. This occasion of Mother's Day would become more enjoyable if we add some flavor of humor to it.
"The hand that rocks the cradle usually is attached to someone who isn't getting enough sleep."
- John Fiebig
"I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids."- Unknown
The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Yes," she replied. "But not the same ones."
- David Finkelstein
A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday school presentation. His mother was in the front row to prompt him. She gestured and formed the words silently with her lips, but it did not help. Her son's memory was blank. Finally, she leaned forward and whispered the cue, "I am the light of the world." The child beamed and with great feeling and a loud clear voice said, "My mother is the light of the world."
- Bits and Pieces, 1989
A teacher gave her class of second graders a lesson on the magnet and what it does. The next day in a written test, she included this question: "My full name has six letters. The first one is M. I pick up things. What am I?" When the test papers were turned in, the teacher was astonished to find that almost 50 percent of the students answered the question with the word Mother- Unknown
Kids Jokes
* When Johnny had a new sister, he became envious of the attention she was getting. One day while his mother was nursing the baby, Johnny was getting unyielding about being on mom's lap. Mom wasn't able to deal with both children at that time and told Johnny to go wait for her. He then asked his mom: "Mommy, can you please put Clara back in your tummy now?"
* A Sunday school teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
* A mother and her young son returned from the grocery shop and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "Therefore I'm looking for the seal."
* Can people predict the future with cards?
My mother can.
Really?
Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen When my father gets back home.
* "Mom, when I grow up will I be your mom?"
* My mom had been getting on my little sisters about not picking up their clothes. I was sitting in my room, and heard my mom say, "Who left all this underwear all over the floor?"
As innocently as an angel, my sister Anne replied, "The Panty Fairy came and left us presents"!
* After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a worn out blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her tolerance grew thin. At last she put a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with severe warnings. While leaving the room, she overheard her three-year-old say with a shaky voice, "Who was 'that'?"
He did it again!!!! Zidane n french president!!
Guess who's sleepin n who's not.....
I Wonder how does the teacher remember their faces n names!!!
Sincere Workers!!!
No Comment!!
Yes!! Have a nice day!!
It's Cartoon fun again!!! Enjoy!!!! 
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