Candy Bar Dolls
Are You and Your Valentine Compatible?
Krista Bloom, Ph.D. LCSW Feb 12, 2008
In happy, successful relationships, both partners seem to be on the same page and to really enjoy life together. The more you have in common with the other person on the things that count, the more successful you are likely to be in the relationship. I call this the "compatibility factor."
Here are seven forms of compatibility to look for in your valentine.
1. Personality Compatibility. What's inside the person is the most important factor, because that is going to be there always. Decide what personality types you are most attracted to. Many people enjoy a great sense of humor, for example. Others look for someone with certain spiritual values.Find someone you really like and can have fun with.
Find someone you really like and can have fun with. Think about how the two of you will get along down the road. Take your time to get to know someone's true nature, because people often put their best foot forward at first.
2. Chemistry Compatibility. You have to click in the physical department. Being mismatched in this area can lead to resentments and have a long-term effect on your love life together. For example, if one of you believes in PDA (Public Display of Affection) and the other is adamantly against it, that may cause serious problems over time.
3. Communication Compatibility. Are you and your valentine on the same page in terms of communication? See if your conversations flow, and if they are enjoyable for both of you. When you're in love, you may think you have the best conversations, when really one of you is doing all the talking.While you are getting to know each other, keep conversations real and fun. Avoid the temptation to talk about past relationships Avoid the temptation to talk about past relationships; it can be a downer and you don't want to turn your date into a support group. Focus on what you enjoy.
4. Friends and Family Compatibility. This comes later, usually after you have been dating for a few months. Do you get along with one another's friends and family, or are there clashes and conflict? If you don't get along with your valentine's inner circle, then the relationship may not work, unless you love the person enough to grin and bear it.
This does not mean that if your valentine's friends and family are not exactly your cup of tea you should dump him or her. Some you will like and others not. Consider how close they live to you and how often you will need to see them before deciding this is a deal breaker.
5. Health and Nutrition Compatibility. Are you a health food nut or a junk food junkie? Are you a speed-walker or a channel surfer? See if your health-related lifestyles match or not. Although this may seem silly, later in life health becomes more of an issue for people.
6. Financial Compatibility. Money is one of the things couples fight about most often. If you share similar financial goals and means, this can be very helpful. If you share similar financial goals and means, this can be very helpful. Don't be afraid to ask questions about how the person likes to handle their money, especially as you get to know each other well.One question you can ask is what your valentine thinks is the best way to manage income and bills. If you agree, then great. If you need to learn more about finances, take a course and read books and articles on Yahoo! Finance to get your financial health on track.
7. Lifestyle Compatibility. Having common interests can really help in a relationship. If you share a passion for something, you can have even more fun together in your free time. You can also expose each other to new interests, which can be exciting. However, if you absolutely hate sports and he has season tickets to every game in town, this may cause a lifestyle clash.What if you're not compatible? Sometimes, there are so many clashes in so many areas that the relationship begins to suffer.
What can you do if you and your valentine are not compatible? You can:
1. Take an inventory of your relationship. In my book "The Ultimate Compatibility Quiz" you can look more in depth into life's domains -- green flags that bring you together or red flags that pull you apart.
2. Accept things as they are. The main idea is to look for workability, not perfection. We have to let some things go or we'll never be happy in any relationship. Enjoy and appreciate each other for who you are!
3. Change and ask for change. If you are both willing to make changes, be specific and set realistic goals about what you are willing to do and how things could improve between you. Keep the lines of communication open.
It is much more effective to choose a compatible partner in the initial stages of dating than it is to "fix" something that is "broken" later. It's hard to move on, especially if you are already in love and committed. In any relationship, you will need to work on things.Enjoy the journey; I hope that this will give you a start to know if you have indeed found your Mr. or Ms. Right for you this Valentine's Day!
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