Fantasy world

To Value A Job Well Done
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

Time Travel
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

Logic
"Because I said so, that's why."

Foresight
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

Irony
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

Osmosis
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

Stamina
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

Weather
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

Hypocrisy
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

Circle Of Life
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

Behavior Modification
"Stop acting like your father!"

Envy
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

Anticipation
"Just wait until we get home."

Receiving
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

Medical Science
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

How To Become An Adult
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

Genetics
"You're just like your father."

Wisdom
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

Justice
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

Funny Quotes About Women

* "As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied." -Oscar Wilde.

* "One of the reasons I don't see eye to eye with Women's Lib is that women have it all on a plate if only they knew it. They don't have to be pretty either."-Charlotte Rampling.

* "When women kiss it always reminds me of prize fighters shaking hands." -HL Mencken.

* "When a woman becomes a scholar there is usually something wrong with her sexual organs." -Friedrich Nietzsche

* "Nature intended women to be our slaves. They are our property." -Napolean Bonaparte

* "If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."-Aristotle Onassis

* "Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?" -Rita Rudner

* "Most women are not as young as they are painted." -Max Beerbohm

* "When women go wrong, men go right after them." -Mae West.

* "Women are nothing but machines for producing children." -Napolean Bonaparte.

* "An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." -Agatha Christie

* "Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no-one likes to have to keep one." -WC Fields

* "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good? Luckily, this is not difficult." -Charlotte Whitton.

* "Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself." -Roseanne Barr.

* "A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's - That's because she changes it more often." -Oliver Hereford

* "My wife is the sort of woman who gives necrophillia a bad name."-Patrick Murray

* "What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce."-Mark Twain.

* "As Miss America, my goal is to bring peace to the entire world and then get my own apartment." -Jay Leno

* "Men are superior to women. For one thing, men can urinate from a speeding car." -Will Durst

* Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement." -Mark Twain.

* "Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want?" -Sigmund Freud

* "When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn't she behave like a nice man?" -Edith Evans

* "Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, 'Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, genitals, current account, confidence, razor blades, and good standing among your friends'." -Jeffrey Bernard

* "No man knows more about women than I do, and I know nothing." -Seymour Hicks

* "When I have one foot in the grave, I will tell the whole truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me and say, 'Do what you like now'." -Leo Tolstoy

* "Women are an alien race set down among us." -John Updike